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‘Twas the cloudy night before Christmas

Posted by Jeffrey Mayer on December 24, 2013
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the cloud
Not a techie was stirring, not even a USB mouse;
Social media campaigns were crafted with care,
In hopes after-holiday sales would soon be there.

The IBMers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of optimized workloads danced in their heads;
And the architect gave a key the slightest tap,
Securing the systems for a long reliable snap.

When out on the data center floor arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my ergonomic chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the door I flew like a flash (RAM),
And into the glass DC wall, my head did slam!

Flashing lights on the breast of the system arrays
Gave the luster of midday to the cloud chassis bays,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment: must be a halon gas leak.
I shook twice my head, still his coursers they came,
He whistled, and shouted cloud options by name:

“Now public! Now private! On-premises or off!
On virtual! Bare metal! Provisioning hands-off!
With lower barriers to entry, to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As bits flying through fiber, at the speed of light
Gigabit server-to-server speeds, mounting to flight;
Up to the data center top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of systems, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
A chimney appeared, St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed in IBM blue fur, head to foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of offerings he had flung on his back,
Big data, mobile, analytics overflowed his pack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

I knew by the pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Halon gas was encircling my head like a wreath;
A chimney now stood where the UPS* used to be,
And he shook when he laughed, whilst eyeballing me.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Gave me to know I need to lie down in my bed!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
There were stockings to be filled, I saw with jerk
There was a stocking for me, and a few for the team.
Then up the new chimney he rose, as if in a dream.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team called aloud,
And away they all flew like the down of a cloud,
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all an economies of scale-achieving, infrastructure spend and capital cost-reducing, process streamlining, accessibility improving, project effectiveness-increasing, software license-minimizing and flexibility increasing night!”


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